Michael Connelly is my all time favorite author. He writes crime novels. They are like Law and Order episodes on steroids. Connelly doesn’t hold back when it comes to the violence, gore, or sex. He brings a real life feel to his novels.
The Scarecrow is his most recent novel and diverts away from some of his more traditional “whodunnit” stories. Check out my review at The Examiner HERE.
Stay tuned for a really exciting piece on a new Star Wars horror novel. I will be interviewing the author and giving a sneak peak of awesome things to come.
We at the Cadaver Lab are always looking for ways to give away some awfully good stuff. In an effort to keep with that tradition we have developed some contests to test your skill and abilities. Here are the first 3:
1. Sam shares a birthday to the day with a horror star icon. If you can guess who it is and what the birthday is - you win a prize pack worth up to dollars. A hint: Sam was born in 1975 and is 33 as of the date of this post. Post your guesses under the “Sam’s Birthday” post on the forums.
2. 6 degrees is challenging and fun. However, let’s turn the tables. I watched a movie recently that I enjoyed and thought that the 6 degrees was challenging. I was able to do it in 5 minutes, but want to see if anyone else can bring it home to Bruce Campbell. The first one who can get from “Eyes Without a Face” - a black and white French horror flick - to Bruce Campbell will win a prize pack worth up to dollars. Post guesses under 6 Degrees Eyes Without a Face.
3. And finally - the mother of all contests - “Guess what Mike is thinking”. Since I have been watching a ton of movies on my ipod I want to get Mike’s opinion on my selection. I will be asking Mike on the air about 3 movies that I have watched between our podcasts. He is going to rate them as Haven’t Seen It, Don’t Bother, Watch, or Buy. If you get them all right, you will get a sweet prize pack including a DVD of my choice and some other stuff that we have sitting around. You’ll need to email me your answers (we don’t want anyone copying your brilliant answers on the forum) before we record on Thursday October 1st at 8:00 pm MDT. This contest will run for every episode, and I will announce the new movies on air when we record. This week’s movies are: “The Mutant Chronicals”, “The Psychic” (Lucio Fulci), and “Pieces”.
Everybody who listens to the Cadaver Lab Podcast knows that we love Keith Latch and his work. However, it is always great to see Keith get some love from someone who actually knows that he/she is talking about! Here is a recent review of Keith’s book Bestseller from Fallen Angel Reviews!
Robert Caulder worked as a night watchman for a security systems firm until an accident caused him to plunge into a different role. He was certain by now he would have written the bestseller novel, but that was seven years ago and so far no success. After suffering from his accident, and spending a week in the hospital, then another week before being discharged, he returns home with his wife Ellen. She is glad he is alive and doesn’t want a life without him. Not big on reading, she does support Rob in the course of life he chooses. When Rob begins having worse headaches, he turns to painkillers to try to ease some of the pressure. He never imagined, with the new developments in his life, that the ideals would begin to unfold before him and the writing pages would gradually start coming in. After strange things begin happening, he puts pen to paper to compose. Danielle Greer is able to jumpstart Rob’s career, as well as her own, when the independent literally agent comes across one of his manuscripts. With the characters begin practically ruling Rob, and Danielle making sure the scripts keep coming in, will Ellen stand by her man, or will the dark side to Rob’s writing finally corrupt and destroy all the good in his life?
What a terrific premise on the story of Rob and his many tales. Bestseller is a different type of story for me. I can’t recall ever reading anything of this nature. I found it refreshing, riveting, and flowing at a good pace to keep this reader enthralled. There were many aspects to Rob’s life that allows the reader to share in his happiness, sadness, as well as his success, not to mention the many mysterious sides that accompany him. Keith Latch remarkably sketches an original piece of art that explodes in the pages. He has a distinctive voice. He clearly knows how to portray the characters so the reader gets a good idea of, not only a precise sketch of the players, but the many things that follow them in their daily activities.
It’s that time of year. The time where all of the Halloween merchandise litters the supermarket isles, television stations start talking about their horror movie marathons, and your area’s haunted attractions open and are in full swing!
I had the chance to visit one such haunted attraction called The Castle of Chaos, which is located here in Salt Lake City. Not only was I able to walk through the spook alley itself, but I was able to stop in and visit with one of the main contributors!
Rotten 139 (Corey) checks in with a review with Rob Zombie’s most recently released film The Haunted World of El Superbeasto! Warning, his review may have spoilers!Synopsis - The story follows the adventures of El Superbeasto, a washed up Mexican luchador, and his sultry sidekick and sister Suzi-X as they confront an evil villain by the name of Dr. Satan. Dr. Satan has learned from a satanic handbook that if he secures himself a bride by the stroke of midnight with the mark of the beast on her backside he will be granted all of the powers of hell to conquer the world. It is the task of El Superbeasto and Suzi-X to thwart Dr. Evil and save the world, yet again.
As with most people I have spoken to about this film, I had high expectations for Rob Zombie’s first foray into animated comedy. Based on a comic series created by Zombie, who also co-wrote and directed this film, like the South Park movie it’s proof you can get away with a lot more in an animated R rated film than live action. To call this an adult cartoon would be a grave understatement. I watched it in bed last night on my iPod and was very nervous at the prospect of my wife looking over to see what I was watching as I was sure without sound it would just look like an animated porno. That being said, as much as this is an adult cartoon the humor is definitely aimed at the lowest common denominator.
The film is jam packed with Dick and Pussy jokes, so much so that after a while it almost feels like an assault. I’m not saying that I am not one to laugh at juvenile humor but it doesn’t help when most of that humor is so poorly executed as well. If you thought the dialog was silly and immature in Zombie’s horror film than I would advise you to run away screaming from this film as he definitely reaches a new low here.
Now, I don’t want to appear to be all negative, so here are some of the positives of this film. The main positive I can point to is the animation, which is very reminiscent of the Spumco style (yet that name was nowhere to been seen on the end credits), which I love. The animation is very crisp, colorful, wacky and fast paced. It brought me right back to the days of watching Ren & Stimpy or the Tenacious D video “F*ck her gently”. I think anyone who is a fan of this style of animation will get a kick out of watching this. Another fun aspect is the voice talent, which to name just a few includes, Ken Foree, Dee Wallace, Laraine Newman, Cassandra Peterson, Harland Williams, Clint Howard, Brian Posehn, Tom Kenny, Paul Giammatti, Danny Trejo, Bill Moseley and Sid Haig. Many of these voices are instantly recognizable but it’s a lot of fun to hear them pop up and most give good performances in the few funny scenes in this. There are many more that I did not point out here as it is fun to figure out a few on your own.
Getting back to negatives, some of the voice talent fell flat for me. The prime examples being Sheri Moon Zombie as Suzi-X (Note to Rob: Stop casting her already! Is she that good in bed?) and Rosario Dawson as stripper Velvet Von Black. The main issue with Sheri Moon is that I found her voice extremely grating in a very short period of time. She also gets some of the worst dialogue in the film. Some of the same issues can be found in Rosario Dawson’s character. Her character spends the entire film speaking in a ghetto trash voice and spewing out the most f*ck filled dialogue yet in a Zombie film. While I’m one of the last people to typically be bothered by swearing in a film, if it serves no purpose and lends nothing to the movie than it can get annoying very quickly.
To try and sum this up quickly, as I am starting to get a little long winded here, there are worse ways to spend 80 minutes of your time. If you are a fan of this animation style and have no issues with over the top sexual humor than you will find a few laughs in this and it would be worth a rental. Just be sure to go into this with as low of expectations as you can muster so you will not be as let down overall as I was.
(Note to Sam: I would have done a mammary count on this but I don’t even think that Einstein could have properly calculated the number of tits in this film!)
As announced in Episode 41, we’re taking on a new activity in Cadaver Trax. What is Cadaver Trax you ask? Well, let me tell you. Ever heard of Riff-Trax? Well, this is very similar, except it is you that gets to create your own commentary for a horror movie! What you do, is watch a predetermined flick and record some commentary as you watch it. You send in your file to Ferguson at ferguson@cadaverlab.com and he’s going to compile and edit all of our tracks and we will release it as a whole package!
Ferguson has given us some guidelines:
- a single audio file. multiple files will be impossible to sync up and just cause me nothing
but headaches.
- give some cues as you go along, call out the time, or something happening on screen at
some random moments. mostly at the beginning, once it’s set up it should be synced just
fine.
- go ahead and give your name at the beginning, and if you feel so inclined a shameless
self promotion as the credits roll.
- just be aware that if you ramble for a long uninterrupted time, then either it will be cut
up into a smaller portion or cut altogether to get as many people in.
- have fun with it, be creative! don’t just try to wow everyone with your hilarious banter
(though if you feel up to it, please wow my pants off. please, they are rather constricting),
but maybe you’ll want to be serious and dissect the scenes and give important insight
or do something totally unexpected and original. the more individuality that everyone
puts into this the more fun the final product will be!
As for the first movie, it will be House of the Dead directed by Uwe Boll. Hopefully it will spark some discussion! Make sure to have your commentary recorded and sent to ferguson@cadaverlab.com by Oct 1, 2009!
Our good buddy Rhino created another piece of art dedicated to Sammy. This one, however is especially fitting since we’re planning on doing a Cannibal-themed episode next. We’re going to be discussing Cannibal Ferox, Grim Love, and Cannibal Holocaust.
Many horror movies have that moment where if someone had just been using their head or not been at a certain spot at a certain time, there would have been no problems and the movie would have been short… and very boring. This episode is dedicated to the opposite. We chose three films where someone was dinking around where they shouldn’t have been and unleashed some kind of plague. For this episode, we’ve chosen to talk about Evilspeak, Wishmaster, and Planet Terror.
Also, we celebrate Megadeth’s recent release of their outstanding album Endgame. We play clips from that album… get ready for it to blow you away.
Filmed on Super 8 in 95 and 96, and trust me you can tell it had extra super in the camera. It’s like getting nipple to nipple with a bear. Originally ‘released’ with no distribution in 97, it was finally picked up for wide distribution in 08. A mix between Hell Comes to Frogtown (long live Nada!) and Bad Taste, with a script that was most likely written or based on the works of that hilariously edgy street bitch Jane Austen, or Brian Austin Green, sorry I get all those massive vaginas mixed up.
I can think of no other movie that comes this close to being old school Troma. It recalls the wonder years of Toxie, Nuke ‘em High, Kabuki man, and the like. You know being called a cocksucker isn’t personal, it’s two nouns combined to elicit a prescribed response. But what if somebody calls my mama a whore? So, our magical picture follows the adventures of Slangman after the fall of the earth and all governments. Slangman has a dictionary and claims to be the smartest man in the world. Truth be told, he seems to actually be the smartest man alive, too bad Carrot Top died a decade earlier, that bitch woulda given him a run for his money.
If you ask me, Slangman has entirely too many brains to have an ass like that.
Next, a tongueless skirt-wearing warrior finds a CD copy of Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet and decides to trek north to some mystical house of sex and drugs called the source.
He fails to get laid.
Slangman joins up with the tongueless warrior whom he names Atlatl (I swear to god he’s a Baldwin), who is later named Mcdoogal by post-apocalyptic hippy Jesus. They are later teamed with what would probably be the stupidest actress ever, named Femme, which he bought with a Twinkie. He fails to seal the deal. I had actually heard that Slangman had balls big enough to come in a dump truck, but he don’t look like much to me.
Opinions vary.
A world of completely incapable idiots and equally moronic mutants fills the screen for the entire run time of the movie. Slangman’s limpdick story is told in a series of action packed extravaganza ‘episodes’ that never let you relax. Listen you snot-nose little shit, I was takin’ shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crappin’ in your hands and rubbin’ it on your face. There’s not much to the story other than they go north and craziness ensues. Oh, and some guy with a mask sits on a bike for 5 minutes while music plays and people look at him, that was in there too.
All Slangman’s massive failures to get his dinky whang slick, build to their culmination of Malathion Man! A burn victim that bless his little heart, through the aid of the make a wish foundation roams the wastelands and squirts toxic urine out of his limp wrist. Really tugs at the heartsrings, don’t it? But remember take the biggest guy in the world, shatter his knee and he’ll drop like a stone. He’s following the skirt-wearing tongueless warrior, oh, first loves…
Did I mention they walk a lot and try to get to the source? Ya, well that’s what they do.
There’s even some futuristic beastie boys dressed in some clean room suits, we all know that’s just crazy, like you know, the FBI paying to teach you to surf. Ridiculous characters pop up everywhere and do nothing but jump around like idiots and spout random gibberish; you know like every single thing Lloyd Kaufman’s homeless scented balls have rubbed up against (I’m looking in your direction Diablo Cody).
Most reviews spitefully call this nothing more than one Monty Python rip off after another. However, I can only agree that much if not all of the humor is ridiculous and one or two situations seem familiar, BUT this movie owes more to the entire back catalog of Troma than anything those brilliantly funny British bitches did. And to really lay this one to death, the only python on screen was in slangmans pants and it unfortunately, stayed there. Them sweet, sweet pants want revenge so you might just want to carry your medical record around with you. It saves time.
Slangman, Obviously the inspiration to Harry (bangers n’ mash) Potter, is entirely entertaining by doing nothing but pulling dumbass faces and ranting like a acting school dropout. Filmed mostly in the desert or at Slangman’s grandmother’s house, but wait, there was even a short part in a bar that I believe was called the Double Douche, or sorry Deuce. Nice place.
Slangman is played by that guy from high school who ran for class president just to spite the jocks and was on the yearbook team, AV club and ‘captain’ of the debate team. Ya, you remember he usually wore some dead hermaphrodites renaissance clothing to school and carried his books in a briefcase and probably owned a hawk and has pictures of his pale girlfriend (naked in the woods holding the hawk on her arm) hidden in a hollowed out leather-bound copy of Lord of the rings.
He also failed to get laid.
But wait, there’s more! The best part is the fact that these guys know they got a great little fun dick flick and they want people to see it. Well, how’s that gonna happen on your mom’s tight budget? Easy peasy, just go to http://bleakfuture.com/ and stream the movie for free or download the torrent for the film courtesy of films writer and director. These badasses just want you to feel the love.
And that is pretty damn cool.
They also failed to get laid.
Unfortunately this show gets a 1 out of 10 on the Uwe Bollomiter, twats that? Ya, it made my pickle tickle, like when lucky almost gets caught by those little dirty shitheads, but he gets away at the last second with his magical marshmallow ass gaskets and smokes some meth.
And fails to get laid.
Why you should see this movie: Listen, it’s free, and it’s some funny shit, so just check it out or Dalton will be nice until it’s time to not be nice.
Why you shouldn’t see this movie: Well, There’s always Barber College.
6 degrees to Uwe:
Frank Kowal was a total bitch in Bleak Future and an asshole in Audie & the Wolf with Christa Campbell.
Christa was le douche times deux in Revamped with Alana Curry
Alana smelled like bongwater in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines with Kristanna Loken
Kristanna IS Bloodrayne, directed by Uwe (weasel cock juice) Boll
Everybody who listens to the Cadaver Lab Podcast knows that we love Keith Latch and his work. However, it is always great to see Keith get some love from someone who actually knows that he/she is talking about! Here is a recent review of Keith’s book Bestseller from Fallen Angel Reviews!
It’s that time of year. The time where all of the Halloween merchandise litters the supermarket isles, television stations start talking about their horror movie marathons, and your area’s haunted attractions open and are in full swing!
Rotten 139 (Corey) checks in with a review with Rob Zombie’s most recently released film The Haunted World of El Superbeasto! Warning, his review may have spoilers!Synopsis - The story follows the adventures of El Superbeasto, a washed up Mexican luchador, and his sultry sidekick and sister Suzi-X as they confront an evil villain by the name of Dr. Satan. Dr. Satan has learned from a satanic handbook that if he secures himself a bride by the stroke of midnight with the mark of the beast on her backside he will be granted all of the powers of hell to conquer the world. It is the task of El Superbeasto and Suzi-X to thwart Dr. Evil and save the world, yet again.
As announced in Episode 41, we’re taking on a new activity in Cadaver Trax. What is Cadaver Trax you ask? Well, let me tell you. Ever heard of Riff-Trax? Well, this is very similar, except it is you that gets to create your own commentary for a horror movie! What you do, is watch a predetermined flick and record some commentary as you watch it. You send in your file to Ferguson at ferguson@cadaverlab.com and he’s going to compile and edit all of our tracks and we will release it as a whole package!
Many horror movies have that moment where if someone had just been using their head or not been at a certain spot at a certain time, there would have been no problems and the movie would have been short… and very boring. This episode is dedicated to the opposite. We chose three films where someone was dinking around where they shouldn’t have been and unleashed some kind of plague. For this episode, we’ve chosen to talk about Evilspeak, Wishmaster, and Planet Terror. 
Ferguson Takes One For The Team Presents:
